Chronological Murder

It’s a cozy Friday night. 9:00 PM. And I’m still sitting here in the office, killing time. There ain’t nobody else here in the whole floor other than me and the night shift guard, who’s watching basketball with his feet propped up on a chair. I’m practically stuck here because me and my aunt brought the car with us, so I can’t just leave her here in the corporate kingdom. She’s off doing some business. Not that I mind her getting some time for herself. She’s the office workaholic and she rarely gets time to do pamper herself. The only thing that bothers me is that if boredom was a weapon, I’d be laying on the operating table right now.

Facebook is blocked by the network security. Can’t troll anybody. I could use my rotting Twitter account since it’s somehow unblocked and it could use some dusting, but I just don’t have the feel for the whole thing. I’ve always thought Twitter was a contraption made to cater to popular people and their emotions. You can’t let too much of what you have inside yourself be leaking out; that’s a pit that showbiz people tend to fall into and sometimes, never get out off. Then again, in this new age, where social media is seemingly becoming a need, I guess there has to be some compensation. That’s where Twitter comes in. Now that I look at myself, I’m blogging nonsense, so am I any different? Other people might think I’m nuts. They might not be lying.

I’m trying to look for something productive to do with the Internet. Instead I came across this foolish Yahoo! article about why men should shave their beard, chest hair, back hair, neck hair, pluck their eyebrows and use moisturizers. My search for productivity ended right there. There were so many things wrong with that article, it was violating.

1) Has metrosexuality and that sorry excuse for music people call K-Pop and Justin Bieber begun to replace the image of a true man’s man? The facial hair makes the man! I’m personally fancying my goatie. I shave my ‘stache every 2 days but once my beard starts manifesting itself in its entire glory, there ain’t no stopping that. These androgynic homosexuals are infesting the entertainment industry like a plague. Please don’t infect us with what you think is even close to manly.

2) We are not shaving our body hair. I’d rather take non-chalant walks down the beach with my heart-shaped chest hair, thank you.

3) You have to have terribly low self-esteem if you think plucking your eyebrows is going to solve anything. And even if you do have self-esteem, brow plucking is a sign that you assess yourself based on what others think about you. Get a life. And live it by your rules, not by others. You are a man.

4) I’ll admit I’m a bit religious about my face; in the sense that I despise oil nesting on it. Facial hair makes the man, but pimples are disgraceful and painful to have. I could live with a few, but not big, red, pulsating volcanoes. I hate moist skin, and now you’re telling me I should use a moisturizer? Why don’t I just skip bathing all together? Kill yourself, please.

That article was written on the women’s part of Yahoo!, apparently. No offense but sorry women, not falling for that. We can all find a middle ground to negotiate with, but do not touch my chest hair. I give Catherine massages using lotion upon request, but that’s as far as I’m going with regards to touching beauty products. How would you feel if we took and hid your makeup?

That’s right.

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2 comments
  1. DK said:

    where is Duane? Why did you take his place, girl who likes to rain about her face?

    also, we who are obsessed with twitter are thankful that the IT department didn’t block twitter!

    • we all have our idiosyncrasies, mine is facial oil. and getting my shoes wet. we men have to take care of ourselves somehow, just not to the extent of plucking our eyebrows. that’s ridiculous haha

      you’re very welcome ma’am. although i must warn you that i have been given authority to inspect 1 PC per day and report any breaches >:) bwahaha

      just kidding. being the internet police is hard.

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