Since I have formally signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement with the office (something that I should have done way back when I started as an Intern but received orders to do so only now), I’m no longer authorized to talk about matters relevant to the data we handle. I can, however, still talk about general conversations within the place, for as long as I’m not disclosing confidential information; which I won’t be.
I was asked to aid an executive yesterday about an online registration process. After making a dry run at the process itself at my station, I went to the place and directed the executive to the website. They’re a friendly bunch. Most of them are coming of age, but oozing with wisdom. So they’re easy to get along with.
While I was sitting on the cushioned throne opening the website, they started interviewing me, in a way. I told them my Practicum was over, that I was doing work for the office only as a Volunteer Worker because school is brutal bla bla bla. Then…
“I wish you could apply for the office immediately, we could really use you here. One of these days I’ll talk to your superior about letting you volunteer for us.”
Oh good Lord have mercy.
“Is that okay with you?”
At this point I’m being offered by a high ranking executive to work for them, even if I’m just a volunteer. I’ve been informed about this matter before. They’ve been wanting me in that unit for quite some time now. My superior refused on my behalf. But now that I’m being talked to personally, was I going to say no? Someone who refuses a job still exists in this country?
“Yes, sir. That would be okay.”
I then fixed another employee’s internet problem then went back to our office.
What fresh hell did I just get myself into? I still couldn’t fully absorb what was going on. Maybe I did, I just didn’t know how to act. I was caught unprepared.
I’ve said it before, and my stance hasn’t changed: I really really reeeaally like what I do in the IT Unit. I’ve grown accustomed to the practices. I feel like I accomplish a lot in a single day here. And these perceived achievements are actually relevant to my field of learning. I chose my college course because it’s what I’m interested in.
Granted, I’d still be in front of a computer in this new unit. I can still opt to do tech stuff on my free time. But what I’d be needed to do would be different. It scares me. I would be adjusting to a new crowd.
We always said my grandfather had a huge loathing of change, at least that which he deems unnecessary. I think he hates it as much as he hates pork. Horrified he was when we got our new stove. He found our new toaster revolting, until the old one broke down. We had a pretty unhappy grandpa when my aunt got the bathroom and kitchen renovated.
In his defense, he said those things weren’t broken, so there was no need for change. He would have things replaced when needed. Like this morning when we refilled the car’s transmission fluid, he was ecstatic about getting something in the wheels corrected. He just didn’t have money. He also has to deal with my little brother constantly changing positions in his sleep. It’s not uncommon to see Dandan’s feet all up in Grandpa’s face.
To think that we used to talk about our grandfather’s staunch opposition to change. Now I’m the one in that position. Now I’m the one afraid of change.
A graphic illustration of my situation would be a promising potato crop growing in a rich patch of soil being ripped from the ground with its roots still growing. Or a baby being taken from the nursery. At least that’s how I feel.
But I couldn’t refuse the executive’s offer. I must be so arrogant if I said no. People are killing themselves nowadays just to find a job. Very few people are actually doing what they enjoy for a living. Most workers are happy just to have something to bring home to their families. My decision would ultimately reflect on me. I can’t condone my behavior, but I’m overwhelmed by too many things.
My boss gave me time to think about my decision until Friday. The matter has been forwarded to her earlier today. I hope I can arrange myself by then, because I’m still feeling the aftershocks of the psychological earthquake. And this decision will be one of the great forks in my lifeline.